Midia Sierra Dumitrescu

Last few months I have been so busy… letting so many things go. Just endings. Like an endless onion I feel. Letting go of all the layers. Letting relationships end. People come and go. Just to let them come and go again, and again, and again and again…. Letting identities end. Letting expectations end. Letting old versions of myself end. So much letting go…that I almost forgot there is another movement happening at the same time. Recognition. … And just this weekend, as I was wandering...

For the past month or so, I’ve been dissolving. Not metaphorically — but actually dissolving. Into tears. Into fear. Into confusion. Into nothingness. For days I kept wondering: When did this even start? What was the trigger? How did I get here? And the truth is… it didn’t begin at a single point. It wasn’t one moment. It was a slow-motion unraveling that I didn’t notice until the whole structure started collapsing. It felt like living in a house that kept breaking piece by piece. A...

I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t know what this feeling is. I don’t know why everything in me is trembling and reaching and pulling away at the same time. And maybe… yes…maybe I have regressed. Maybe I’ve become a child again, with all my wounds open, bleeding through my ribs. Because when I’m with him, something ancient wakes up in me. Something terrified. Something hopeful. Something starving. And I hate it! I hate that I feel so much. I hate that I’m this raw, this undone,...