For the past month or so, I’ve been dissolving. Not metaphorically — but actually dissolving. Into tears.  Into fear.  Into confusion.  Into nothingness. For days I kept wondering: When did this even start?  What was the trigger?  How did I get here? And the truth is… it didn’t begin at a single point. It wasn’t one moment. It was a slow-motion unraveling that I didn’t notice until the whole structure started collapsing. It felt like living in a house that kept breaking piece

I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t know what this feeling is. I don’t know why everything in me is trembling and reaching and pulling away at the same time. And maybe… yes…maybe I have  regressed. Maybe I’ve become a child again, with all my wounds open, bleeding through my ribs. Because when I’m with him, something ancient wakes up in me. Something terrified. Something hopeful. Something starving. And I hate it! I hate that I feel so much. I hate that I’m this raw,

Give yourself to the lake ... he says

I have no idea.....