September 6 2025 - The World Through the Lenses of Duality

When I look back, duality has always been at the center of my life. Black and white. I have always felt these distinctive opposite parts inside of me, pulling with equal force. Both magnetic. Both irresistible. Both endlessly curious.

People often say, “Life is not black and white,” as if things are never that defined. But for me, that expression means the opposite. Things are black and white — made of opposites and their relationship, their complexity, their intensity, their depth.

Drawn to the Darkness in People

Since I was little, I’ve felt an attraction to the darkness in people — not as something to fear, but as something to understand. With my mind wide open, I always felt a line from my heart to theirs.

People are quick to judge, categorize, quick to dismiss… but I felt there was always more inside of them. A reason for how they act, for who they are. An essence beyond what meets the eye. Like a puzzle. My soul told me there was always more. And I loved that.

Living the Extremes of Myself

Through my life I have noticed my extremes and often reflected on it. It puzzled me, but I never felt like I fully understood it. It was more something I was aware of.

Now… when I have had the chance to live and experience the extreme of my duality… I feel I have a better understanding … although not quite yet.. it's still a perspective in progress… 

I have lived in dreamlands — play, creativity, community, flow. My odd, creative soul nourished. My soft, magical side alive.

And I’ve also been attacked, carved, hardened. My soul grew armour, shields, swords, and walls — yet preserved its core like a hibernating seed.

I’ve given myself to reckless impulses, passions, and desires. I’ve been consumed and incinerated many times over, only to be reborn and do it all over  again. This is what I call my mutant heart. My kamikaze side.

I’ve cried my tears, begged, chased without shame. I’ve been cheated on, manipulated. And I’ve been the cheater, the manipulator.

I’ve given and given until exhaustion. I abandoned myself. Tried to heal myself through saving others — seeing their holes because they matched my own.

I’ve searched for approval, validation.

I’ve been the firecracker, the extroverted raging bull, the flaming dragon.

And then I’ve been the hermit, the shut-down, the detective of my origins, the silent observer.

I went on an excavation expedition .. a dungeon conquering .. that felt like discovering life on another planet. 

Lessons From Darkness

I have sat quietly with sadness. On the other side of joy, of movement, of chaos, I found stillness and darkness.

At first it seemed that nothing was happening, like a straight jacket, stagnant, lost. Until I relaxed into it and then I discovered vastness and magic unfolding in front of me.

Sadness had so much to teach me about myself. It expanded my soul by tearing it open, and there I discovered a new way of connection, presence, understanding. A new way of showing up. I discovered compassion, or I should say, a new side of compassion. I'm so grateful for it.

It gave me the chance to fill many of my voids, or to discover they were never empty to begin with.

In darkness I stumbled upon my self-worth. I wore it as a cape. I felt royal. I drank it like a magic potion. My cells rejoiced. I gained so much appreciation for myself. So much reverence. So much love and compassion for my current and past versions.  

Almost like a baby who learns to say the first words I learned to voice my needs. I learned to identify them, to validate them. I learned to pour in my cup. To heal, to rest, to receive. 

I discovered my standards and boundaries by trials and error. In stillness I learned to embody them.

I discovered my shadow was not an enemy, but a hidden superpower. At first, so much resistance. Eventually, radical acceptance and surrender.

Through sadness I found my way back to joy, to myself, to my passion. I found my inner compass.

What I Love

I love the unknown. Surprises. Driving roads without knowing where they lead.

I love the vastness of the ocean. And I feel like I die in enclosed spaces where everything is already known.

I love the dark heroes — the imperfect ones, the complex ones, who battle their emotions and evolve. As a child.. I saw that potential on every person I met.

And I’ve always loved words. For me, words are tangible energy. They can be wings or shackles, cages or keys. Words are the way we send our soul to another.

They can make someone’s path easier, or push them further into the abyss.

I have always felt a need to choose them carefully.

This is a silly example, tiny one but I still remember so clearly … in my high school years.. In an athleticism competition. My main event was long jump, but I also had to participate in 400 meter running. I’m terrible at that! Especially long ones. If anything I could be a sprinter.

I remember vividly I had no energy left in my body, I wanted to do my best but my body was so heavy. Thats when my teammates screamed encouragement, I swear I still remember how those words became extra energy and speed.

Duality in Me

Black and white, madness and greatness, chaos and calm, known and unknown — I see them all intertwined. They need each other's contrast to exist.

Inside me live:

• The one who thinks everything through before leaping, while the other one runs by and leaps.

  
  

• The cataloguer, organizer, the methodical learner, collecting pieces, obsessed with order…why’s and origins … and the surfer of chaos who thrives in the unpredictable.

  
  

• The one who craves predictability… and the rebel who rejects it.

  
  
  
  

I’ve explored both sides deeply, and perhaps that’s why I feel so curious about people and their sides. So compelled to understand them rather than judge it. I haven’t even scratched the surface of myself — how could I think I can define someone else?

My Philosophy of People

To me, people are like universes. As fascinating and unknown .. full of potential and mysteries as our vast universe itself.

I imagine the universe as a cauldron. Where all of its ingredients are in constant movements and interactions. And each person is a universe and a cauldron in itself. Full of ingredients and constantly shifting. Floating amongst the other ingredients..

Where every  exchange — a word, a stranger passing by, a book, a song, eyes meeting eyes, a poem, somebody's story — alters the chemistry inside. Feeds a fear, breaks a chain, spark an idea, give birth to a dream, inspire a change. 

No one is set in stone. Like a cauldron full of potential and contact redefinition, rediscovery and change. Like a magic potions. Where we become and unbecome.

Isn’t that amazing and interesting to witness? To see people making choices, changing beliefs, unravel new landscapes of themselves. 

That’s the closest to a world of magic to me.

 Nothing is pure light or pure darkness.

And so… Identities should be fluid, like wardrobes. A way to express who you feel inside today. Not like tattoos. Not fixed forever.

Duality duality duality…

For me, duality is not a problem to solve, but a mystery to surf.. 

Surfing energies, surfing feelings. Opening my senses, my heart, and whatever else it's in me that perceives and can feel, and taste those contrasting notes of energies like a cocktail. 

Like tasting wine — but instead, tasting energies. 

Carefully feeling all the faint notes that compose the essence of a soul. All the subtle hints, and the processes of how they were put all together. Where they were aged, and combined. Like with wine,  we just let ourselves take our time,  feel the other person. 

That's how I like to get a glimpse of people. 

And not only people, but the air around me. Like feeling the winds of change. The ever changing variables of the universal cauldron that surrounds me. What a fun game. To surf energies. Constantly fluctuating. . 

That's what I feel like meditation is. 

If I could walk and feel life that way. Interact with the universe like an octopus drinking it all at once. 

Duality… what a mysterious thing...